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ARE YOU A REAL BANGKOKIAN?

Have you done all of these?

1. Taking the Klong Boat

You figured it out finally. There are these amazing little boats going up and down the (stinky) klongs of Bangkok. They are dirt-cheap and can’t get stuck in traffic which is the BEST THING EVER. Also, a backpack and solid shoes are the only legit accessories on days where you have to take the klong boats. In the mornings, the ride can be a bit bumpy, so this is definitely not for Bangkok beginners but the advanced level.

2. Eat salty breakfast such as jok/boil rice in the morning

What first was gross and unthinkable - having jasmine porridge rice soup with either pork or chicken in the mornings - becomes actually pretty okay. Apart from that, paying 250 THB for a muesli makes the shift even easier to the local customs. Noodle soup and phad kraphao with fried rice in the mornings, a normal start to the day for a real Bangkokian.

3. Manage to find non-whitening stuff

Nope, we don’t want to be white whatsoever. Having said that we also don’t care about whitening stuff in our body care. Although we don’t believe it really works, something deep down inside let us freak out about it. So we go to Boots & Watsons and dig the whole shelf just to find that one body cream which states no whitening-frills on its label. Hallelujah!

4. Start avoiding the heat/sun

First, when you move here, it is all about the pool. Mornings to evening, all day, every day. Then you realise that you also have to work in this humid hothouse. That’s when you try to avoid every run in the sun that is longer than 3 minutes, take motorbike taxis for just the 500 metres to the office and even protect your face with a magazine/your hand/whatever is within range.

5. Know how to argue/negotiate with taxis and motorcycle peeps

Dear taxi driver man, I do really appreciate that you manage to sit in your cab all day while the traffic around you is going nuts. But, may I give you a good advice? Google maps would make yours and my life so much easier. Seriously! Gladly, I am a person who arrived in this century and can help you out with my phone. But I am not going to pay 200 THB to my place when I know it’s 80 THB. Please put on that meter, I am not a tourist coming here once a year. Thank you.

6. You know how to get your way around i.e.,. to go to the beach - go by van/bus instead of hiring an expensive taxi  

Victory Monument and Ekkamai, 200 THB to Hua Hin. Enough said. Why did we ever consider a private bus for 2k? Because we weren’t informed enough. It makes so much sense to share the costs with 8 other people who want to go to the same place - and is environmentally friendly on top!

7. You can differentiate between

  • Massage parlour - euphemism for brothel
  • Massage happy ending places - no explanation needed
  • Normal massage - where you usually go on Sunday afternoons after a rough night to unwind

8. Can differentiate between ladyboys and real girls

That lady who just helped you finding your perfect outfit for Saturday night was not a real lady. That chesty voice in combination with that clear-cut face. Yeah, nice try. After your last visit in Pattaya, your gender-guessing skills improved by 100%.

9. Go to restaurants where you are the only farang i.e.,. ไผ่เขียว Pai-Keaw (Green Bamboo) noodle stall, Khao Jao

Where to find the best street food? Of course in the shabbiest food stalls. That’s the golden rule. Once you know your way around, you will go to the most hidden shacks just to satisfy your cravings of a good Pad See Ew.

10. Eat boil rice or noodle soup after clubbing

6 AM after being way too long clubbing in Soi 11, you come out of the club wondering where the next place is to grab your beloved noodle soup. Yes, you read right. We are eating a warm cosy noodle soup after the 10th glass of whisky coke.

11. Go to wet market instead of Villa markets

They do take place everyday. They are packed with billions of people and contain just as many different smells.The infamous wet markets with fresh veggies and fruits for a tenth of the Villa Markets price, meat, clothing, decorations - all in one place. Bargaining is a must and after a while you will get used to the game. The wet markets are definitely not for beginners but advanced Bangkokians. That’s why we love them.

12. Accept it

Motorbike taxis and smartphones. That’s what our reality looks like. You can’t deny it. And despite all the odds, you're still deep in love with this city.

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Special thanks to Sonja, our Marketing Intern! 

Sonja Muller

Sonja took the plunge in 2014 to move from her home country Germany to the Big Mango and hasn’t looked back since. She enjoys doing fitness and yoga, documenting her adventures on her travel blog and of course wanderlusting on perpetual travels all over Thailand.